


A Crack in her Shell

by RedHeadWithABedHead



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-09 18:18:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4359332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedHeadWithABedHead/pseuds/RedHeadWithABedHead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a brush with death and a grievous injury, Cassandra is faced with the idea of mortality of a loved one; repressed memories of her family come to the surface. Can Leliana prove to her lover that she is tangible and there to stay?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

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           “Leliana!” Cassandra screamed until her voice cracked, the vocal cords strained to the max from all the yelling the battle had incited. The stalwart warrior threw down her shield and ran headlong at the hooded assassin who had struck Leliana between the ribs.

 

           “You bastard!” The assassin threw himself back desperately, trying valiantly to avoid the enraged woman’s blade. But Cassandra, already adept with handling a sword, was in a state similar to that of a Reaver. She pushed forward, a snarl marring her handsome face. The large blade cut deeply into the man’s chest, gouging out a chunk of flesh and a river of red bursting forth. A scream gurgled out of agonized lips; the hood fell back, exposing a face that had not seen the sun in many years and electric blues that had darkened in pain. The man, or boy rather, looked no older than eighteen seasons. Cassandra felt no pity for the boy. Not now.

 

            The boy sank to his knees, dirt and blood intermixing beneath his dark trousers. He stared beseechingly at the warrior, unkempt dark hair clinging to his swear-slicked skin. “M-m-mercy, I b-beg you, ser!” His voice was deep but a hairsbreadth away from a baritone. He twitched as pain lanced through his chest wound, blood spilling over his lips. The muscles spasmed as death took hold, clinging onto the boy and not intending to let go. All he wanted now was a reprieve from the pain; relief. A release.

 

            “What is your name, boy?” Cassandra barked, amber eyes colder than ice. He swallowed.

 

            “C-Clarke, ser. Please…”

 

             Cassandra looked deep into pained blue eyes, not looking away even when he focused on her. She wiped her blade on the grass, sheathing it quickly. “Go to the Void, Clarke. I hope you rot in it.”

 

             Cassandra walked away from the assassin, listening as he reached out his hands to her in supplication. His thick sobs were choked by the blood still steadily pouring from his mouth. Good riddance to him; Cassandra had better things to attend to. Leliana…

 

              The spymaster was clutching her side hard, a grimace of pain twisting her beautiful features. Those cerulean orbs Cassandra drowned in every day were closed tight, a furrow bisecting the area of flawless skin between her brows. Strands the color of a blazing hearth in winter clumped togetherin moist tendrils about the face growing paler with every second. Cassandra rushed forward, sprinting the last inch and grabbing the woman right before she collapsed.

 

              Even with Leliana’s dead weight, she weighed nothing in the strong arms of the warrior. Cassandra held the red-head to her chest, her heart pounding as fear took control of her motions and made them frenzied and mired in jerking movements. She turned her face towards Dorian who was dispatching the last enemy.

 

              “Dorian! I need assistance!”

 

              The mage turned his head, eyes widening as he took in the unconscious red-head. He ran over, smoothly taking Leliana from her arms and gently settling her on the ground. His fingers slid over her neck, looking for her elusive pulse. A look of intense concentration crossed his face, smothering the humor and sarcasm that usually covered him like a blanket.

 

              “She is breathing but only just. We have to stabilize her now. Our spymaster will not survive the trek back to camp otherwise.”

 

               Cassandra nodded frantically, cinnamon swirls focused on the pale face of her beloved. A knot had settled in her chest and fear was clouding all rationality. Footsteps racing signaled the approach of the rest of the group. The Inquisitor stopped at Cassandra’s side, gauntlet-covered hands tearing off the Grey Warden helm previously covering up her face.

 

              “Maker’s breath! What happened to Leliana?!?”

 

                “An assassin stuck her with his blade. I am not certain but he may have had poison on it. Many assassins are known for that particular trick.” A shadow passed Evelyn’s face. Her short light gray hair covered her face, many years younger than a woman with that shade of hair should be. Her blue eyes took in every inch of her injured friend, worry assaulting her as surely as her warrior companion.

 

               “Damn the Venatori, ambushing us like that! How did they find out we were traveling to Val Royeaux?”

 

               “Perhaps it was just coincidence that brought us together. Whatever the case, Leliana is our top priority. We must save her!”

              

                The Inquisitor turned to Dorian, blue eyes determined. “What do you need to help her?”

 

                Dorian kept his hand on Leliana’s wound, her life essence flowing between his tan fingers. “I need cloth to wrap around her wound. I am almost positive the blade was covered in poison. I could heal the wound but my magic cannot remove the poison. If I heal the wound but keep the poison inside her…she would die either way. Our best bet is to stop the flow and head to the nearest camp as soon as possible. Leliana will not make it back to Skyhold otherwise.”

 

                 Evelyn shouldered her shield and sheathed her blade. “Then that is what we shall do. The warrior grasped the edge of her luxurious steel blue coat, ripping a large chunk of the fabric. She offered it the mage, completely unconcerned about the now ruined coat which had been a one-of-a-kind creation.

 

                 Dorian accepted the soft cloth with a small smile of thanks. Quickly, his fingers went about unfastening Leliana’s armor, leaving the woman clothed in soft cotton instead. He lifted the material up and away, revealing a wide swath of smooth, pale skin. Blood smeared all across her stomach and chest, marring the beautiful flesh. A raised scar cut across the side of her stomach and swirled around to her back. Dorian was quiet at the reveal; it explained her behavior since Dorian had known the woman. Obviously she had been abused. The ugly wound had not healed quite right, and the mage would bet his earnings in the last game of Wicked Grace that more of the scars would be on the spymaster’s back.  

 

                   He turned his attention to her new wound, a critical eye focused on the rather deep stab wound, red blood mixing with a curious yellowish-green substance. Poison. Dorian was not well-versed in alchemy or potions, but there was a guard posted at the closest camp in the vicinity. However, this was still a good sixty miles away. The trip would take three hours at least on horseback, and the mage was worried that Leliana would not make it by then. But he also knew that his healing skills could only go so far. Making up his mind, he nodded grimly to himself. He would make it to where she had the best chances possible with surviving the journey, and then…she was in the Maker’s hands. For her sake, he hoped that the Maker was a merciful deity.

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                    Cassandra paced back and forth, her nerves bouncing around excitably and her stomach somewhere down by her knees. Dorian had forced the seeker to move a couple feet away; the hovering was not doing him any good, he said, and was breaking his concentration. He had not been without pity or remorse, but even though her heart loathed being away from Leliana…Cassandra knew she was only hindering the process.

 

                    Evelyn stood beside Dorian, remaining calm despite also being worried. Leliana had become almost like a sister to her in the months since she had donned the title of Inquisitor. The beauty had come across as rather cold in the beginning, a far cry from Josephine. Evelyn remembered quite vividly the veiled threats Leliana had leveled at her when she deemed the Inquisitor’s blue eyes to be focused on the Antivan far too often to be of a mere comrade situation. Leliana had interrogated the warrior like a pro, putting Josephine’s parents to shame. However, Evelyn had assured quite fervently that all she wanted was to catch Josephine’s eye; Evelyn was in it for the long haul and hoped that the beautiful diplomat was interested too. It turned out the feeling was definitely mutual, and Leliana was one of their strongest supporters. Cassandra had been thrilled as well, seeing as how the four of them were as close as you could get without being of the same blood.

 

                    The Seeker and her Nightingale had been dating since before the Inquisition started. Cassandra had offered up that tidbit but only after Evelyn had caught the two in an embrace. Honestly, if Evelyn had not seen them together she doubted a relationship between the women would even have existed in her mind. Leliana was incredibly private seeing as her occupation involved a certain degree of mystery and deception, and Cassandra was open and honest to a fault. They should not mesh together but after the small displays Evelyn was fortunate to be privy to, she knew the bond of love betwixt them was stronger than steel. Evelyn could only hope the flame was not extinguished before it could truly hit its zenith.

 

                     The warrior watched with fascination as Dorian knelt over the unconscious woman, hands glowing a curious blue color that rivaled her own eye color. His fingers moved slowly over the affected area, almost a caress as he tried his best to fix enough of the wound to transport her safely to an area better equipped for her needs. The man had already washed out the wound with boiling hot water, trying to clean out as much of the possible poison as possible. An antidote would be administered when they got to camp but until then she needed to stop the spread of the toxins.

 

                      Evelyn glanced over to the last companion of their entourage. Bull was standing watch, his massive battle-axe slung over one shoulder as he fixated all his attention to the west. Magic and healing was beyond his comprehension; he knew he would just slow down the process. So he had elected to keep an eye out for more trouble while his own paramour tried to save Leliana’s life. Evelyn believed Bull’s very presence was helping to calm Dorian’s frayed nerves. Without the mercenary there, she feared Dorian would break under the pressure and strain.

 

                       The wound was not the worst Evelyn had seen in her tenure, but neither was it a pretty sight. The dagger had been serrated, making the wound jagged and altogether a pain in the ass. Not to mention the blade had gone in pretty deep, which worried Evelyn. If indeed there was poison, which they were pretty sure about, it was getting into her tissue and bloodstream. Their only hope now was the poison used was a lesser one. No poison was good, but there were varying degrees of potency. Unfortunately, there were no survivors of the assassins. The one Cassandra had left to die had passed a minute after she had walked off, dead from his own blood. 

 

                        That in itself was a testament to the stoic woman’s inner turmoil. Cassandra was a fair and just warrior, never letting enemies suffer if she could help it. She was not one for revenge or even letting bygones be bygones. Sure, she could lose her temper at times and a fierceness only Andraste herself could match would wreak havoc upon her intended, but Cassandra could usually control herself. Evelyn had seen her temper flare only a few times in her tenure; when Chancellor Roderick challenged her in the beginning, calling for Evelyn’s own imprisonment, and again when she learned of Varric’s deception of Hawke’s whereabouts. River Hawke herself, even being the jokester that he was, had paled a bit when she heard about that. She had told Varric he had the biggest set she had ever seen. Cassandra’s fiery side had also reared its head when Daniel had been found ate up with red lyrium in the quest for Lord Seeker Lucius. Cassandra had landed the killing blow herself, stabbing the man in the chest and coldly gazing into his eyes as he stole his last breath. The man had made a mockery of the seekers, and led to the near destruction of the templars. Evelyn herself, staunch mage supporter as she was, had been furious when she looked at the atrocities done to the templars in Emprise Du Lion. 

 

                         Evelyn knew after this was all said and done, after Leliana was okay again and safely in her arms, the seeker would be guilt-ridden of the boy she had let die. It would not necessarily keep her up at night as his death was a necessary evil and due to his own devices in life, but that did not mean the agony he endured would not needle at her conscience. The Inquisitor was just glad Josephine had not made the pilgrimage with them this time. The sweet woman would be out of her mind right now, wringing her hands and covering that pretty face with wet tears. Evelyn was trying so hard to be strong and if she saw her beloved break down…well, she could not be the leader her team needed.

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                         It seemed like hours to Cassandra but in truth was not even a full hour. She had tried to keep her eyes strictly on the horizon before her and not look back, but she found herself increasingly turning towards Leliana, her hands itching to reach out and grab her. Cassandra needed to feel her, needed to see if her heart was still beating, if it still matched the tempo of her own. That was a joke between the former bard and herself: Leliana always said her heart beat in time with Cassandra’s, no matter where they were or what they were doing.

 

                         _“How can your heart beat with mine, silly girl? You mean to tell me if I exercise and my heart is beating fast, yours if you were still would match?” Leliana smiled, her perfect teeth on full display as a softness appeared in her eyes. “Yes, Cassandra. My heart would always know yours. Have you ever heard of star-crossed lovers? I am sure you have, reading those stories you love so much.” The red-head chuckled as Cassandra blushed to her roots. “My heart will always beat in sync with yours, because your heart is all I will ever know. You are the only thing my heart beats for.”_

 

                            Leliana was always so sure of their relationship, even when Cassandra herself had her doubts. Cassandra had been the Right Hand of the Divine for a long time, longer than Leliana had commandeered the Left. Cassandra had been so unapproachable in the beginning, having closed herself off to romance after the disastrous attempt she had made with Galyan. She had given herself to him, body and mind, but she could never give him her soul. He was a mage, and she was a Seeker. Unfortunately, those two did not mesh well and would have been terrible if the relationship had been outed to the public. They had kept it under wraps for that very reason, and also because they wanted time to let the fledgling romance ignite. It never quite met the quota, not like Leliana had. Galyan was a wonderful man and friend but as a lover…it was doomed from the start. He had finally found his match, his other, when both he and Aeria had been killed at the Conclave. Cassandra still mourned his loss, and what he could have had with Aeria had they not perished. Aeria was a beautiful and kind mage who had tried for peace between the warring factions. In the end, her kindness and non-confrontational attitude had ended in her death. 

 

                             Love was never on the menu, at least not at that moment and certainly not with Leliana. But the woman had this infuriating way of wiggling into your heart, claiming it as surely as a demon from the Fade. Cassandra had not stood a chance, her secret longing for romance and love being fulfilled by her very companion. A grudging partnership manifested into a working relationship, then blossomed into a friendship that slowly changed to love. Now, Cassandra could not imagine her life without the redhead and it was killing her to stand here and wait impatiently for Dorian to fix her enough for them to leave. There was only one outcome of this that Cassandra could handle, and she prayed to the Maker that it would come to pass.

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	2. Chapter 2

_Flashback_

 

              _“Cassandra, stop tickling me! Stop you big oaf!” Leliana laughed freely as she pushed against her lover. The action was futile, however. Cassandra was just too strong for Leliana; it was endlessly arousing to her._  

 

               _The dark-haired Seeker smiled widely, pinning the lithe body underneath her own slightly bulkier one. Cinnamon eyes were full of light, easy and full of joy the likes few could ever say they had been privy too. Only one person could incite such a reaction and that person was currently trapped._

 

              _“Oh I’m sorry, Leliana. Are you perhaps ticklish right there?” The handsome Seeker smirked, dipping her fingers into the little dip behind Leliana’s knee. The woman was particularly susceptible there, and against her sides as well. Cassandra had been lucky enough to find both spots by mistake on two separate occasions during rather…pleasurable activities. The warrior never failed to exploit those very weaknesses when the opportunity presented itself._

 

              _Leliana chuckled helplessly, her body reacting to the touches in a way that both mortified and invigorated her. It had surprised Leliana when she discovered the tough Seeker with a reputation for growling and being cantankerous actually had a playful side. Not many people, if any, could say they could. Cassandra had almost impenetrable walls and only a select person could ever breach the wall and gain access to the woman that was Cassandra Pentaghast._

 

_Leliana would never have believed it had she not been partnered with the woman for years now, fighting alongside her in protection of Divine Justinia. They both shared a common goal and the means to which they would fulfill that objective was better suited as a mutual partnership. Leliana admittedly had not warmed up to Cassandra at first because the woman was intimidating, more so than even Morrigan had been back in the days when Thorn Mahariel was just an elf turned Grey Warden and blamed for the murders of innocents whilst the actual killer roamed freely and wielded a fist like a whip. Cassandra was no Thorn and Leliana had found herself missing her friend whose charm and wit were reminiscent of Zevran while his features were handsome like Alistair. Thorn had been achingly perfect and the warrior with a man’s haircut and the attitude to drive them away was not even close to his level._

 

_But gradually as time slipped her by, Leliana had discovered that, like her own self, Cassandra had a hidden depth that went far deeper than just making disgusted noises when annoyed or thrashing poor dummies out of angered frustration. Cassandra was a woman of honor, steel and strength the foremost words to describe such a handsome woman. In fact, Cassandra started to remind Leliana of Aveline in the story she once spoke of to the Warden many years before. Cassandra and Thorn were incredibly similar, being of the same integrity and all. Thorn was less serious than her Seeker however. He was a strange mix of Alistair and Zevran, containing both of their humor and good looks but taking certain segments of each personality and making it his own. Cass had less in common with River Hawke who had been an endless pain in her side. River was headstrong and sarcastic, sometimes caustic in her brand of humor and plaguing Thedas with her charm and wit. The Seeker only just tolerated the woman who was far too like Isabela for her own good. But honestly, River had always been that way even back in Lothering before her lover even crossed paths with the dark-haired rogue with eyes like chips of ice._

 

_Leliana had fallen hard and long with the strong woman and she could barely remember the time when she longed for another’s touch, for dark hair of a longer variety and deep fathomless pools of inky darkness to pull her in until she succumbed to her own dark side. Cassandra was pure light where Marjolaine was as dark as one could get without burning outright. The woman had saved her soul and for that Leliana was eternally grateful. She made sure that the warrior knew she was loved and appreciated, no matter what. Cassandra might not have been her first love, but Leliana sure hoped she was the former bard’s last._

 

_Leliana reached out, feeling smooth, supple skin against her warm palm. Heat seared the flesh, molten chocolate swirling with a wellspring of emotion. Leliana fancied she could see Cassandra’s very soul peering out, pure and blindingly white in its brilliance. Cassandra flushed warmly, the blush showing up faintly against her slightly darker Nevarran skin tone. Her recently acquired scar was nearly healed now, making the Seeker look even more appetizing if Leliana was honest. The gallant woman was just so irresistible; Leliana was still flabbergasted at how many lovers Cassandra had. One man in nearly thirty-six years? How any mortal could withstand such sculpted perfection was beyond Leliana. It was a chore for Leliana to even let Cassandra leave the bed._

 

_“I love you, you know.” Leliana said it with such reverence and with eyes shining with something not quite tears but not just purely happiness._

 

_Cassandra swallowed hard, her own eyes turning shiny. They had not yet said the words to each other, feeling them deep in their respective souls but fear overriding the natural inclination to blurt it out for the world to hear. Cassandra was not the type to wear her heart on her sleeve but dammit if Leliana did not invoke things in her that she thought was only contained in the fictitious novels the Seeker so pored over. Instinctively, her arms tightened around the small waist of her lover._

 

_“I love you too, Leliana. More than I thought possible.”_

 

_Leliana captured the pink lips of her lover, meshing their bodies together as they started a rhythm known to mankind since the early days of creation. Later they would need to perform their designated duties but for now…now they were together and wanted to reaffirm the bond that had been established so painstakingly._

 

_ End Flashback_

 

             The ride was long and harsh, Cassandra fighting her feelings the entire way. Because of the time limit they had to work with, Leliana had to share the white and grey horse the two women had rode to the location on. Ranger was a fine steed and one Cassandra had a particular soft spot for. The horse also happened to love Leliana and had seemed to sense the danger she was in for he sped off at a breakneck speed as soon as the women were situated. Cassandra held the fragile body against her own, trying to make the redhead comfortable without agitating her grievous wounds. The Seeker would have preferred Leliana to be lying still as this position was certainly not good for her condition, but they did not have the luxury of enough steeds for that endeavor. So Cassandra just held her love and prayed fervently for a miracle.

 

             It had been a couple of hours since they had left their previous makeshift camp and headed to one of the bigger Inquisition camps located throughout Thedas. Dorian had loaded Leliana up with enough curatives and temporary relaxants to make the journey as easy as possible. Still, occasionally Leliana would whimper in her unconscious state or shift uncomfortably, her skin on fire and slicked with sweat. Cassandra let on hand of the reins, gently brushing the sweaty red strands away from a hot forehead. Her left hand moved to Leliana’s leg, tracing smooth patterns into the covered skin and trying to wordlessly soothe the beautiful woman. Cassandra tucked Leliana more securely on her chest, molding the lithe body alongside her own more muscular one. Even unconscious and injured, Cassandra had to marvel at just how well Leliana fit to her own body. It was as if Leliana was made for her and her alone. The thought made a tightening in Cassandra’s chest. 

 

            _Leliana…please my love, hold on…I cannot face this life without you by my side, not when I never knew my life was missing something before you came along._

 

Cassandra placed a gentle kiss on the back of the spymaster’s head, smelling the natural fragrance the woman always exuded, apparently even when she was staring death in the face. “I love you, Leliana. Come back to me… _please._ ”

 

            Evelyn was riding just behind the two women on her red hart, the majestic animal glowing like leaves in autumn. M’henar had imprinted on Evelyn from the very beginning when Master Dennet had first brought the noble animal in. It had been a gift from a nomad Dalish family who had learned of the Inquisition’s efforts and had heard the Inquisitor was an advocate for equality amongst the races. To show their appreciation and support, they gifted the animal and Evelyn had been ecstatic. She had always admired the Hart but never got the opportunity to ride one, let alone own a Hart. M’henar had taken to her with ease, traversing the usual training and pitfalls that normally associated new ownership. He was in tune with her body, and she his. There bond was almost as strong as her love for Josephine.

 

            Evelyn saw the tension in Cassandra’s shoulders, could feel the breath against her hair as if she were the one on the warrior’s arms. Cassandra was barely holding on, distraught and frightened the likes of which Evelyn had never before seen. Pity welled deep within her bones as she thought of her unconscious friend. Leliana was a kind woman with a big heart and the Inquisitor could only hope she could hold on until more healers and medicine could be obtained. Dorian had been worried himself; she could feel his burning gaze on the back of Cassandra’s head, could imagine the frown of concern marring his handsome features.

 

            The mage was riding on a Taslin Strider aptly named Trek. Trek was the only horse Dorian would even consider riding on and even though he was not a fan of horses, Dorian had grown to like the horse. Dorian sat like a pro, navigating as if it was in his blood instead of magic. Bull had to ride the giant Nuggalope the group had stumbled upon a few months ago. Charlie was the only steed that could bear Bull’s weight and so he brought him along for the mission. The Qunari was not a comfortable rider judging by the expression of unease permanently stamped upon his rugged features but he braved it without a word of discontent. He proved the silent bodyguard, eyes roving the countryside and his hand always close to the giant battle-axe on his back. 

 

           Evelyn turned back around after nodding at both men, her eyes straying once more to Leliana. Not for the first time she wondered what Josephine would say about everything. The Antivan and the spymaster were close friends, almost sisters due to the tight bond that had been formed years before the Inquisition was even a speck in their minds. Leliana had even played the protective sister when she found out Evelyn had feelings for the gorgeous diplomat, cornering the warrior and telling her in no uncertain terms what she would do to her if she broke Josie’s heart. Something about daggers and possible maiming and using fire to hide the remains. It had scared Evelyn shitless and she was not easily intimidated. But the Trevelyan had stuttered through her feelings and Leliana had softened, finally believing the silver-haired woman. But even though it sort of traumatized the Inquisitor, it also earned Leliana some more respect. To protect her friend like that, to keep her safe…it was admirable.

 

           Leliana was now their staunch supporter, and pretty much everyone was all for the union. Josephine was well-liked not only in the Inquisition but in many different crowds. Evelyn was also popular and for more than her given title. The name Trevelyan was no small name in Ostwick. Doors opened a little more easily for her than the average rabble. Evelyn rarely used her wealth-given rights and instead used them to help others less fortunate. Money mattered not to her; happiness and stability was key along with a good smattering of good honest work and faith in the maker. Josie was similar in views to her and they just sort of…connected.

 

           Evelyn wanted to send a missive or letter to Josie when they reached the camp, but she was warring with hersef. Josie would only worry and Evelyn hated to do that to her. Josephine was very much an innocent fitting the description Leliana had thrust upon the warrior when Leliana had threatened her very existence. She would only worry and lose sleep over Leliana and the woman barely got sleep as it was. Her brain was always working overdrive and it hurt Evelyn that she could be inadvertently hurting the woman by telling her. Leliana would most likely recover, and Evelyn would keep repeating that in her head until the words never needed to be said again. Evelyn was not sure Cassandra could make it in a world that was devoid of the redhead and, truth be told, neither did Evelyn. Leliana had been through so much and been a big part of all the major occurrences that had happened in the past ten years; to be felled now after surviving everything…the Maker could not be that cruel, could he?

 

           _I hope your faith holds out, Leliana. Cassandra would move the heavens for you, but I feel for the Maker if he decides to take you hostage. Nobody, not even a God, could best her when she puts her mind to something._


End file.
